A wee bit knitty thoughts

Choices

The last year has been interesting in many ways. I decided to start on a vegan diet, and after a while I also decided not to buy yarn or wool from sheep that was used for food.

 

Deciding to be a vegan was not a huge step for me personally, since I´ve been a vegetarian since I was 11 years old. What I didn´t take into consideration was how much it limited me.

The last 3 months I´ve been on a sick leave because my mind just couldn´t function anymore. I was feeling all the negative feelings, and none of the good ones. I was criticizing every single thing I did or didn´t do, and I was not able to see the things I´m good at. Or the things I did that was kind of awesome. (And no, it was not because of vitamin or protein deficiency…)

I´ve been doing a lot of soul searching the last month, and it´s clear to me that I´m my biggest problem. I keep setting up boundaries for myself and making up lots of rules that does not apply to any other than myself. Strict rules. Bordering on OCD. Going vegan made me uncertain every time I was going out of the house. Will there be anything I can eat? Will people think I´m weird, stupid, annoying or whatever? Which made me shut myself off from people around me.  And restricting my yarn purchases made me loose interest in knitting and crafting. I could follow every rule I set for my self, but I didn´t feel happier. I felt kind of awful. I had shut myself of from a community that I loved.

In case you are wondering. All these thoughts are mine and only mine. I´m surrounded by understanding people. I´m not pressured into anything. I´m not changing my ways because people are mean. I´m changing direction because it´s what needs to be done.

So I´m going to change paths. From now on I´m a vegetarian. And I will buy “normal” yarn, but I will try to choose yarn that has the environment in mind. I´m still super interested in people who keep sheep or other animals only for yarn reasons, and I´d still love to keep an eye out for them, but it will no longer be my only option. Having one year experience with vegan food has taught me a lot of good things about cooking food. And if I ever come across anyone who is vegan or has food allergies, I have lots of good ideas as to what I could serve them.

But to keep this short and not rant; these are just a few things I´ve come to realize about the way I´ve lived my life so far, but these are the things that are relevant for this craft blog. Animal welfare is still important to me, but for now, I´m putting myself first.

Whenever I´m feeling like I should do more, I try to remind my self of the words: “One cannot do everything, but everyone can do something.”

And that´s what I´m doing.

And It´ll have to be enough.

 

 

21 thoughts on “Choices”

  1. We are hardest on ourselves. You are so strong to share your journey with all of your knitting community. By doing this I’m sure you are helping many people, but may never know who. Know that you are loved and appreciated. God bless you always.

  2. What a powerful blogpost ! I can relate to setting boundaries and feeling restricted by them, and I am glad to learn you are putting yourself first now. Wishing you all the best with this new direction, I hope you will soon feel totally restored and at ease , big ups to you !

  3. We are always so hard on ourselves and are our own biggest critic. Thank you for sharing as it will make us all re assess ourselves and the decisions and choices we make. Hopefully crafting and eating are both becoming a pleasure for you again.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to write a comment on my post Jacqui. It´s always good to get positive feedback on these personal posts.

  4. Thank you for sharing, Lena. It’s a good decision to put yourself first.
    I wish you all the very best and send you a big hug.

  5. My sister and I have missed your beautiful podcast. we have missed Gustav. We have missed you. we are always hardest on ourselves. We love you Lena believe it or not. Now it’s time to come back to us. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly.

    1. Thank you so much for those words Toni. I´m missing all of you as well and interacting via the podcast. The last few months has just been too much of a roller coaster to get anything done the way I want to do it. I will try getting this blog up and running first, and than I´ll hopefully feel more like podcasting again after a while. I have a busy winter ahead of me, so time will show.

  6. My sister and I have missed your beautiful podcast. we have missed Gustav. We have missed you. we are always hardest on ourselves. We love you Lena believe it or not. Now it’s time to come back to us. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. Toni Mazur. Jeanne’s sister

  7. Dearest Lena – it is such a relief to hear this. While veganism is ostensibly a very kind way of living, it has been my experience that it it seldom kind to those who practice it. For myself it was a very short time from deciding to try it to becoming an emotional and intellectual wreck just as you have described.

    For anyone with even a small perfectionist streak the bar of veganism can never be set high enough, and we can only fail. I applaud your decision to do your bit for the world while accepting that to live as a normally functioning human being within it the line must be drawn somewhere.

    I very much hope that you are feeling stronger soon and look forward to seeing your continuing adventures in craft and life when that happens. We love you Lena!

    Maud E

    1. Thank you so much for those words Maud. I needed them. So much has happend over the last few months, so I´m planning to get my blog up and going and hopefully it will boost my urge to podcast again. I do miss it.

  8. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through. As everyone has said, we’re our own worst critics, and new paths can be uncertain. Wishing you balance and joy, Jean

  9. I hope you find your balance. I like the word balance instead of boundaries. It allows us to make choices, make mistakes, and learn from them. May your creativity help to bring back balance, fulfillment and happiness.

  10. It’s great to be mindful … because that means you’re trying to do the best that you can do at that moment at that time. The more we want change and work for change then the more that the ‘better’ and more ethical options will become available. All the little steps add up to a better picture over time. Take care of yourself – that’s the most important thing …. and yes like some others above have said, get the podcasting going again it would be good to see you and Gustav again, xx

    1. Thank you so much for those kind words. My plan is to get my blog up and going again, and eventually get back to podcasting in time. So much is happening in my life right now, so my mind is all over the place.

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